I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize