and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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