I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
