weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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