Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it was like eating out sand paper
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
