Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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