I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
