I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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