It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
