3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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