how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
