I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize