its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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