why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
