fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
