Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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