Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
