get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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