guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My bed smells like the plague
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
