I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You know, be my cock's hype man.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
