Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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