i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just high enough for therapy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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