He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
