My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
