This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
