Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
