My brain says no but my pants say off.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
