Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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