i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i think my mom watched the whole time
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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