I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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