So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
