No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
