I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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