I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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