Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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