Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
