Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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