Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
