This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
