Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
