So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
