Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
