handjob tips. give me some.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
