I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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