What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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