I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
