The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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