my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
