sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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