dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
