remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
