What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
