did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize