Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
