watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
