Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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