I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
