Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
