i was rollin on her like bob the builder
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
