I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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