Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
