Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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