Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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