Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
