Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
