Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
