I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
