im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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