My first STD was from a foam party
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
