Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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