I haven't been this sober since birth.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think a kid would responsible me up
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
