as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
