dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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