so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
