hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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