i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
