I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
