He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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